Character Issues: An introduction

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Instead of doing a boring ass intro page, I will just establish the tone for this blog here.  The Silver Surfer is one of my favorite characters…but he sucks.  The same goes for Martian Manhunter, Colossus, Ben Grimm…  These characters have great personalities and interesting backstories but just exist as victims.  They exist in a state of perpetual jobbing.   Whenever a writer wants to introduce a  new massively powerful yet vaguely defined villain or graduate a C-List villain to the big leagues, they serve up one of these poor jokers.  Have a new mutant that you want to shoehorn into X-Men’s mythos via retcon?  Colossus has such a punchable face and two shots will fold him up like a last week’s laundry.

Writer 1: “Hey.  I really want to re-establish the Composite Superman as modern era threat.”

Writer 2: “Why not have him curbstomp Martian Manhunter? He’s powerful enough to beat the JLA by himself but incompetent enough to lose battles to newly remembered Silver Age scrubs.”

Writer 1: “That sounds like great idea that in no way diminishes a character that has endured over 50 years with a loyal fanbase and a has been a consistent presence in our mythology for the last three decades.”

Writer 2:” If you like that…wait until you see my plans for Crazy Quilt.  He comes back and completely make Tim Drake eat his shit.”

Silver Surfer has mastered the combination of being fantastically powered and a effective as a neurosurgeon on a double Quaalude. He is a character who should win most battles, but manages to fail horrifically. He is the preeminent stepping stone for all new or old cosmic threats in the Marvel Universe.  He is more revolving door than gatekeeper, he is just there for bad guys to walk through.  Annihilus due to be buffed for a stint a crossover villain? Silver Surfer can end up on the incorrect end of that fade… pissing cosmically charged blood.

As a long time fan this shit is redundant and obvious but I’ve come to accept the level of fan trolling. I’ve just lowered my expectations for some of my favorite underdogs.  A new comically powered dust mite crossing over from the Negative Zone? As soon the Silver Surfer rescues Dr. Strange from Zom, he will gladly take a one-sided drubbing.

To be continued…

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